


Finding yourself again

by Lodriel



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 13:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11418882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lodriel/pseuds/Lodriel
Summary: You've been queen of Erebor for ten years now. Mahal has gifted you of a fabulous husband (Thorin) and a beautiful son, Thror.Your life seems perfect but it's not: you don't have any time for you, Thorin is always busy and you have to live your days alone...trying to be a perfect queen, trying to ignore sour comments of impertinent dwarrodams...You decide it's time to have a break of your life, but your husband will fight for you





	1. Chapter 1

"Thorin please, I have to talk to you" you say.

"Not now, I have to go to an important council with king Bard" he answers not even looking at you. 

"Please" you murmur with desperation.

"I don't have any time. We will see and speak later maybe" with it he exits from the door.

 _It's not that you haven't time. You don't have any time for me._  

You sigh, then you pick up the documents that have to be attended today and you left your room.

* * *

 

Today you have the usual routine: in the morning you listen to the requests of several dwarves, then you attend to the documents for the diplomacy with Mirkwood. After that maybe you have time to have a quick lunch and eventually in the afternoon you have to attend a council and welcome some dwarrodams of the Iron hills.

In the meantime, as usual, you hear the sour comments of selfish and pompous dwarrodams that think that they can do and have everything they want and are not very pleased from you denying their requests.

_As if I would satisfy every stupid desire of every pompous lady._

After attending all your duties you go to see your beautiful son, Thror. He is so similar to his father with his blue eyes and black hair. Even his expression reminds you of Thorin. Now he's been taught by Balin, the only teacher able to hold his attention. He's very curious and smart for a child of his age.

You enter in Balin's study and he greets you with a smile to not distract a busy Thror. You smile proud of your now very focused child.

"I did it!" he exclaims happy and then he sees and runs to you. You hug him tight and smile at him "Have you behave well dear?" He gifts you with a mischievous smile " Yes, amad". You look at Balin and he laughs " The child will become a very good prince in a few years, like his adad when he was".

"Thank you for your patience Balin" you say and then you grab your son's hand and go to have dinner.

 

* * *

 

 

It's very late when your husbands returns to your chambers. After a while you ask " Can I talk to you now?"

"Mahal can you not wait till tomorrow!?" He shouts.

"You won't have time tomorrow like you didn't yesterday nor the day before!"

"I'm a king and I have my duties as you have your to attend. Erebor won't go on without me!" he yells.

"I've not married your duties! I have merry you! You don't have a minute for your own wife!"

He look at you with cold eyes

"I think you have to take lessons with Thror to understand that you have not to complain like a child and do your duties" he says cold and uncaring.

You go out of your chambers shutting the door behind your back.

_I have to take a break now. Fuck you everything! What does he have in his mind??_

You go to your room and start packing things, you go to the kitchens to provide some food and then to the armoury to pick your bow, your sword, an axe and two daggers.

_Thror is old enough to stay for a few weeks with Balin. I need time to clear mi mind and don't go crazy. I will leave tomorrow morning. I will think where to go while riding._

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning you go to Balin's study before your son's lessons begin.

"Balin I have a favour to ask you...I will leave for a few weeks to go to my parents" you lie "could you please put an eye on Thror and maybe find someone to replace me in my duties?"

"Yes, of course. I will personally attend on your duties and I will take care of the boy" he says kindly " Is everything ok y/n?"

You try to smile but you make a sad grimace " I need some time...some time alone I think. If you need something you can use my raven, Ren, she will find me"

Balin looks at you preoccupied " Does Thorin know what you're doing?"

"Oh I think he would be too occupied with his duties has a king to notice my absence" you can't help yourself saying in a half sour half sorrow tone.

"I think you have to left a word to him" he says gently and pats your forearm.

You go to his desk and write 'I need some time alone. I will live for some weeks in my parents' home. Don't worry, I have found who will attend my duties in my place and who will take care of Thror' you fold the sheet and give it to Balin "Give it to him if he is interested"

Then your son makes his appearance and you go to him " Thror I have to leave for a few weeks. You will stay here with adad, Balin and your counsins. I will miss you so much, but I know you are old enough to stay here even without me" you know he is very proud of his age, your stubborn son" Write to me, everytime you can my boy, give your letters to Ren I will answer you as soon as I can" you hug him and kiss his head "I love you so much Thror. Be good with the others and don't make Balin going crazy. I'm so proud of you" you say holding back your tears.

He hugs you tight " I will be good amad" he kiss your cheek and hugs you even more tight" I will make you proud mommy" he adds with misty eyes.

You farewell from Balin and then go to the stables where your pony is waiting.

* * *

 

You decide that first of all, for the last time in few weeks you have to attend your queens duties. You've found something that you think belongs to the elevenking and you know it would be a good opportunity to improve the relationship between dwarves and elves.

As soon as you get into the forest you find Legolas waiting for you "It's a pleasure to meet again the queen under the mountain" he smiles kindly.

"And for me it's a pleasure to meet again the prince of the great elvenkingdom of Mirkwook" you say politely.

_With elves politeness is the way._

"What are you doing here my lady, if I can ask you?" He says.

" If you don't mind I would like to see king Thranduil to discuss of some matters. Obviously if he's not to busy"you smile corteously.

"I think he will be very amused to welcome you and have dinner with such a kind lady, and it will be a great opportunity to improve the relationship between our races" he says being his head gracefully.

The dinner is set in a private room, at a small table you sit with king Thranduil and his son, Legolas. The elvenkingdom is elegant and gracious as the elves with whom you are having dinner. The conversation is soft and polite with the prince telling you how he plans to exterminate the few remaining spiders. When he finishes the king look at you " So, what is the purpose of the queen of Erebor in coming here?"

_Always so cold and calculator. He's so different from his son._

"I have found something that belongs to you. I'm going to visit my parents" he doesn't need to know where you are really going" so I decided to bring it myself"

You bring out of your coat a dagger and give it to him. When he examines it, his first uninterested face becomes surprised and then happy and sorrow at the same time.

"This..." he starts but can't add nothing.

"Your wife commissioned it long time ago, it was a dagger made for your son" you stop to look at the touched eyes of the elven prince " I found it the last month and decide to give it at his true owner".

Thranduil looks at you, now with a cold expression "What do you want in exchange for this?"

"This belongs to your son, it was a gift of his mother. Nothing is needed in exchange. It's his dagger and I hope he will treasure it and will remember the love of his mother" you murmur.

The expression of the king softens and he surprises you saying "I think you're a good mother for your son. We thank you for your kindness and we will look forward a new relationship between elves and dwarves"

"I think our cooperation will bring good results" you smile seeing Legolas caressing his mother's gift.

And then you start talking about diplomacy and relationships between Erebor and Mirkwood.

* * *

 

_In the meantime at Erebor..._

Thorin storms in Balin's study "Where is she?" he nearly growls at the old dwarf that gives him your letter.

He passes one hand on his forehead exhausted while reading it sit on a chair.

After he has finished he look at Balin "Where did she go?" he growls.

The other dwarf looks at him with patience" She told me she was going to her parents, but I think it was a lie. If you need you can write her..." 

"I don't need anything from her, if she behave like a child she can go away. I don't mind" he interrupts. "How many guards did she take with herself?"

Balin doesn't answer.

He understands you have gone alone.  _Alone. She could be attacked by orcs , by men. She could fall from the pony...she could finish the food and can't find other...she could be injured, wounded...   died_

His eyes widen at that thought  _The mother of his son, his wife, his lover laying died on the cold ground. Her face without expression, her mouth without words._

"We have to find her Balin"

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

After nine days you arrive at your sister's home.

_I haven't seen her in an eon._

She has always been manly. Too manly for your parents. She's always hated all lady-like thing, spending all her days training to become a good fighter. After have nearly broken the nose of the dwarf your parents wanted to marry her, she went to live by herself.

Several years later when your parents arranged a marriage to you and you run away from home, you went to live with her.

You knock the door and she opens it with an axe in her hand. Seeing you she grabs and hugs you tight. "Little sister! It's been too long from the last time we met! And where's my little nephew?" 

You smile " He's at home, probably making some poor dwarves mad"

"I remember when you where his age. You broke everything you touched! He can't be worse than you were!" She laughs " Mother's hair were becoming white for the desperation. At least yours seems normal" she adds "Come in, sister!"

 

After a very needed bath you sit with her.

"So...what made you run away from your husband?" she asks kindly.

_She knows me too well._

"You know you can tell me everything" she adds.

You look at her familiar face, you have missed her so much and then you can't hold yourself and you tell her of the last weeks.

How you felt oppressed by your duties, Thorin so distant from you and then your fight with him and your decision to leave for a bit...all while sobbing loudly with your sister hugging you and patting your back.

After some time you stop sobbing and then she says "You know, you can stay here as much as you want darling"

* * *

 

_In Erebor..._

"So let me understand... She's out there alone and you say I have to sit here like nothing happened!?"half shouts, half growls Thorin.

"Why don't you calm yourself? You don't even know where she has gone" says Dwalin.

"Shut your trap!" he shouts angrily.

"Think Thorin...where could she have gone?" Says Balin in a gentle tone.

"I don't know. She could be everywhere!" adds him desperate.

Then an owl lands on his desk, he looks at it and takes the letter it brings.

"What does it says?" asks Balin.

"It's from Thranduil" murmurs Thorin, surprised "He accepts the negotiations" he looks incredolous at the old dwarf "He thanks me for the gracious visit of my queen and our generosity" he thinks about it " she went to Mirkwood and in some way convinced him to accept our proposal"

"Her sister" mumble Kíli.

He turns his head and looks at him "What did you say?"

"Her sister lives ten days away from the edge of the forest" adds Fíli.

"We have to prepare"

_I will find her, even if it means looking for her in all the Middle earth._

* * *

 

 

"You eat like a warg, little sister!" laughs your sister.

"It's been three days that you train me at every hour every day! So don't complain" you say circling threateningly your spoon in the air.

"You have never eat so much. You will clean my pantry in a week!" She adds trying to suppress her laugh.

"Have you thought about what happened with your husband?" she asks in a serious tone.

You stop eating and stare at her.

"You know I don't want to intrude, but maybe you were both too stressed in the last weeks" she stops for a moment "And you know it's not good to argue in those situations"

"I've thought about it. I think it would have been better to stay and discuss with him the next day... but I was too angry! Even now I don't want to see him" you sigh "No...it's not that I don't want to see him, it's that he hurt me...and now I spend my days half eating, half sobbing. I'm a mess!" 

"Can you stop eating for a moment and discuss with me darling?" she asks and pick your half full plate.

When she steals your plate you can't help yourself and start sobbing "I'm hungry" you sob uncontrollably "give it back!"

She stares at you "How long?" she asks firmly.

"What?" You ask still sobbing and trying to catch your food.

"How long since your last period?" she adds.

You stop and think a bit. 

_What a strange question...why is she..._

Then you remember your last mood changes, you sobbing in every possible moment, your impossible hunger.

 _The last time..._  

You lift your eyes to meet your sister's.

"Am I right? You're pregnant" she says.

"What a mess!" you sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

You're dancing around your sister, twirling here and there.

"You are making my head spin" your sister pretend to be pissed but her eyes are smiling " stop please" she prays laughing " I want to see my little nephew"

You stop in front of her and lift up your tunic exposing your belly.

She observes it carefully " How many months do you think you are?"

You think a moment and then watch your belly attentively " I don't know with precision... maybe five" you mumble.

"Can I touch it?" asks your sister shyly.

_Last time she was away for an expedition. She hasn't seen Thror's birth._

You remember the first time she saw your son...the first you had seen your sister crying like a child. You smile at the memory.

"Of course sis" 

She touch carefully your womb and then stares at you astonished.

"Would you like to be his or her godmother?"

And then you see your sister crying for the second time in her life, now your turn to pat her back.

 

 

"We have to return to Erebor! I need to tell Thorin" you say.

"I will go and pack my things" she says.

You look at her perplexed.

"This time I won't miss the birth of my nephew!" She answers outraged and you laugh.

* * *

_I want to tell him now. He will be so happy. He will become dad again._

You smile at the memory of him trying to change Thror's nappy, and he trying to make him sleep by walking around your chamber and humming to him.

You start planning what to say to him. _First I have to tell him and then I have to apologise. No first I have to apologise and then telling him. No first ..._

You are interrupted by someone knocking the door.

"Sister the door!" you shout.

"I'm packing my things. Open the door little sis"

You huff " I was packing too and it's your house"

The knocks become more insistent.

"Mahal go and open the door little sis or I will go and take my axe"

You huff again and go open the door.

 

* * *

 

_On the other side of the door..._

Her sister has a tiny house in the middle of a meadow. He goes right to the door followed by a tired Dwalin and his half died (for the tiredness) nephews.

He knocks the door and no one opens.

"Knock again uncle" grunt Kíli.

"Be quiet for a moment" he says firmly.

He puts his ear on the door to hear two feminine voices shouting at each other, one unfamiliar but the other singing to his heart.

He begins knocking more persistently.

He can imagine her pissed wife huffing, while going to the door and he smirks at the thought.

The door opens and he sees her beloved face, her astonishing eyes staring at him. After a moment she hugs him tight and he encircles his waist with and arm, the other hand stroking gently her hair, her temple on his cheek, his nose inhaling her sweet fragrance.  _She's my home, I will never let her left me again._

* * *

 

You are still hugging your husband when he makes a step to pick you both in the house. You can't believe he's here, your mind is blank you can't even remember your so carefully prepared speech and then you start sobbing again.

"Hush, love, it's all right" he hums gently in your ear. He takes other two steps to sit in a chair and lifts you on his lap. You curl up in his chest, hiding your face in his neck. While one of his hands starts drawing soft circles on your back and he goes on humming for you.

"I'm so sorry" you murmur. He kisses your forehead "You are not the one who need to apologise amralime" and then he goes on stroking and humming to you until you calm down in his arms.

"For Mahal how did you do that?" You heard your sister exclaiming "The last time she started sobbing it needed me three hours to calm her"

He looks at your sister and then he smirks at you "Really amralime?" You smile to him shily "I'm afraid she's right" he laughs heartily and then he kisses you soft and sweetly.

__

* * *

 

 

"When she starts crying uncle is the only one who can calm her" says Fíli with his mouth full of food.

You are dining all together in your sister's house.

" I don't know how he can do it so easily" your sister says thinking.

You are still sitting in your husband's lap not wanting to distance from him.

"Don't ask me. The last time I tried to calm her, her fist found my nose" mumble Kíli.

Your sister laughs "At least my nose is untouched"

"Do you want another" Thorin points a sausage and picks it noticing you hungry face. "Thank you husband" you say kissing his cheek just above his beard. Thinking better of it you begin placing soft kisses all over his jaw line. He places a wet and teasing kiss on your neck. "We need to stop now or you won't finish your dinner" he kisses your lips and then after parting " And you seem very hungry, dear"

You purr at him "Then I will finish as quickly as I can" and he grins lovely.

* * *

 

After the dinner you wish a good night to the others that are grinning at you two.

Thorin lifts you up and bring you to your bedroom. You start kissing and teasing his neck, he moans and shut the door behind his shoulders.

He poses you on the bed and his mouth finds yours in a deep wet kiss. 

You arch your back pressing on him. His eager hands go to pull off your trousers and then you help him with his.

You bit your lip when his fingers begin tracing your folds. "Thorin" you moan. He caress you patiently with you roll your hips and crying out.

"I can't wait anymore" he moans. You nibble his neck and press him to you.

He slides fully in you with a single trust, moaning your name. You cry out and lift up your hips urging him to move. He begins to trust deep and slow in you bringing you both to a releasing climax.

* * *

 

You lie on his chest, his hand caressing your head.

"I'm sorry for what I said, I was tired, it was a difficult day...I didn't think what I said. I was a fool" he murmurs.

You look at his beloved face " I think we were both too stressed to argue. But we have to find sometime for ourselves... we are married... I missed you so much" you say.

"Never again" he whispers "I'm first your husband and then a king. I won't forget this again" he says kissing your head.

You smile at him.   _Oh! I_ _haven't still tell him!_

"I have to make you see something... I've found out yesterday and we were packing and then you arrived..." He wait for your explanation relaxed and a bit confused, but smirking at you.

"Ok I'm talking nonsense" you laugh and then you pull off your tunic.

He stares at you confused.

You smile, grab his hand and place it gently on your belly.

He begin stroking you and then he stops...his eyes becoming wide in a surprised expression. He hugs you tight in a second. 

"Really?" He humms softly.

"You're becoming adad for the second time" you tease him brushing your nose with his.

He smiles with wet eyes and then he parts from you, his hands beginning to stroke softly your belly again. "We will have another child" he continues smiling like it's the best day in his life. Then he stops. "How are you? How do you feel? Do you need something?" He adds in a tense tone.

You laugh at your now overprotective husband.  _I think from now on he will watch on me like an hawk._ But you can't complain.

_He's already in his future daddy mood._

"We are all right" you say almost singing.

His face relaxes and you curl up in his chest, his arms around you.

"Who's taking care of Thror?" You ask sometime later. You watch his grinning face "This face...what did you do?"

He grins more "Balin told me of the unbearable dwarrodams that have always something to ask. After a weighted discussion with my nephews we decided to grant their wishes" you watch him confused and he continues " at one condition...obviously" he smirks at your confused face "They have to took care for Thror for an entire day, and someone told our son that the ladies where really impolite with his amad. The most patient has lasted one hour" You start laughing so hard you are almost crying.

"I love you so much Thorin"

Then the door suddenly opens and a surprised  Fíli fall on the floor of the bedroom.

He stands up quickly, embarrassed " You know...I was passing...I fell" he tries to lie not very convincing.

Thorin raises an eyebrow and says "I see you have a lot of free time"

His nephew blush and your husband grins "Maybe too much"

You look at him. _He wants him to become the godfather of the baby._ You smile at the thought. Since Kíli has become the godfather of Thror he hasn't had a free moment in his life, always trying to contain his cousin's disasters.

"I think Thorin is right" you say amused.

"So It's decided" continues your husband.

"What?" Says a scared Fíli.

"You will become the godfather of our child. Good luck Fee" you grin.

His face is amused for a second and then he remembers his brother's problems with Thror and become less amused. He opens his mouth and then watchs your impassive face and the strict face of your husband.

"I only hope it's a girl!" he sighs.

You laugh.

 


End file.
